Reading reviews of Fifty Shades Freed to decide whether or not it's worth seeing is an exercise in sheer futility. This franchise is like the softcore porn equivalent of Transformers- it doesn't matter what the critics think, you're either going to like it or you won't. So why am I even writing this review? What's the point, why do I even put myself through it? Because it's fun. It's fun to talk about these gloriously stupid movies. I would even argue that it's fun to watch them. Are they any good? Absolutely not, and Fifty Shades Freed is no different. It's a terrible, terrible movie. The plot is soap opera nonsense, the script is often utterly hysterical, and the sex scenes aren't even that good. But unlike its immediate predecessor (full disclosure- I somehow never saw the original, only the first sequel), Freed does away with any leftover self-seriousness, opting for all-out absurdity. From the "kinky" sex to the completely outlandish narrative (car chases and hostages and babies, oh my!), Fifty Shades Freed is trashy insanity of the highest order. It's totally ludicrous, but it miraculously comes close to "so-bad-it's-good" territory.
Taking place shortly after the events of Fifty Shades Darker, the third and final chapter in this saga finds Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) finally saying their vows and tying the knot. Their beautiful, opulent honeymoon is filled with marital bliss (and lots of steamy lovemaking), but things are interrupted by the re-emergence of an old foe. A security breach at the headquarters of Grey's company sends the enigmatic billionaire into a panic, especially after he realizes that Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) is behind the attack. For those unfamiliar with the series, Hyde is Ana's former boss (he was fired for attacking her), a truly crazy individual who has developed a creepy obsession with both Ana and Christian. As Christian attempts to protect his wife no matter what, the push and pull of a marriage begins to take a toll on their kinky relationship. And uh......there's a car chase. A lot of sex scenes. And then pregnancy! So many fun things in the Fifty Shades world.
Summaries are usually pointless, but they're particularly useless in a film that seems to have little concern for narrative cohesion. In fact, I think saying that Fifty Shades Freed cares at all about its own plot would be a gross overstatement. This film moves on a whim, jumping from sequence to sequence with just enough momentum to keep the story going in a linear direction. Its total disregard for the conventions of narrative cinema and consistent character development would be insulting if audience expectations were much higher. But just like the mainstream action movies that are so popular today, there's a predictable and somewhat engaging formula to this franchise- glossy, slick cinematography (courtesy of director of photography John Schwartzman), a bombastic pop soundtrack that underscores practically every moment, and the over-the-top sex scenes that make up the film's bread and butter.
On the surface, Fifty Shades Freed offers absolutely nothing new. Director James Foley (who also directed the last installment) has not radically shaken up the formula here. He hasn't suddenly delivered a thoughtful masterwork about the allure of BDSM and the psyche of these two heartthrobs. Fifty Shades Freed is more of the same, an appropriate way to close out the series. So with nothing fresh or insightful to offer, why is Freed so much more enjoyable than its predecessor?
Because this time around, Foley and screenwriter Niall Leonard lean into the stupidity. "Lean" might even be too mild of a word- they just dive head-first into the deep end. Fifty Shades has always been a sexy twist on the soap opera genre, but it maintained a pretension that this love affair was serious and important in some way. However, the "plot" in Fifty Shades Freed is so positively ludicrous that it washes away any lingering sense of self-seriousness. As it progresses, this movie just gets more and more ridiculous, so unhinged and off-the-rails that you just can't help but enjoy yourself. And really, the only way to do justice to all of this is to just describe what happens. There's a car chase scene in what is essentially a softcore porno for respectable adults, a car chase that ends with, you guessed it, Christian and Ana passionately having sex in the car. And then there's the scene where they spread ice cream all over each other in the kitchen in the middle of the night, hoping not to wake anyone else up with their erotic activities. Oh, and then the movie ends with a hostage situation- Ana brandishes a gun, the villain threatens to cut someone to pieces, and then there's a brutal assault on a pregnant woman.
It's utter mayhem, and its application of disparate tones is completely jarring. Anyone jumping into this franchise with no prior knowledge will likely feel like they're on some kind of acid trip. But while the title of the movie is meant to reflect Ana's freedom from the negative aspects of her relationship with Christian, it also has a second meaning. After taking itself seriously for far too long, the Fifty Shades series has been freed from its own noble ambitions and expectations. After resisting the warm embrace of pure, unadulterated trashiness, this series is finally free to be as moronic and incomprehensible as its kinky heart desires. The gloves are off, and this is Fifty Shades at its absolute nuttiest.
Obviously this doesn't mean that it's good. It's a total mess from a story perspective, and while I like both Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, they really don't have much of an opportunity to show off their chops here. And even at 105 minutes, Freed still feels overlong, and I was patiently waiting for this thing to wrap itself up. But after being simultaneously bored and baffled by my introduction to the series with Darker, this finale delivers the kind of sheer silliness that I can get behind. It has no qualms about what it is, and it never for a second pretends to be anything else. It's not smart, it doesn't make much sense, and hell, it isn't even that sexy. It's just plain ridiculous. Of course, that's not enough to warrant a recommendation. But don't be surprised if you walk away entertained....
THE FINAL GRADE: C+ (6/10)
Image: Universal/IMDb
Poster courtesy of Universal
Taking place shortly after the events of Fifty Shades Darker, the third and final chapter in this saga finds Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) finally saying their vows and tying the knot. Their beautiful, opulent honeymoon is filled with marital bliss (and lots of steamy lovemaking), but things are interrupted by the re-emergence of an old foe. A security breach at the headquarters of Grey's company sends the enigmatic billionaire into a panic, especially after he realizes that Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) is behind the attack. For those unfamiliar with the series, Hyde is Ana's former boss (he was fired for attacking her), a truly crazy individual who has developed a creepy obsession with both Ana and Christian. As Christian attempts to protect his wife no matter what, the push and pull of a marriage begins to take a toll on their kinky relationship. And uh......there's a car chase. A lot of sex scenes. And then pregnancy! So many fun things in the Fifty Shades world.
Summaries are usually pointless, but they're particularly useless in a film that seems to have little concern for narrative cohesion. In fact, I think saying that Fifty Shades Freed cares at all about its own plot would be a gross overstatement. This film moves on a whim, jumping from sequence to sequence with just enough momentum to keep the story going in a linear direction. Its total disregard for the conventions of narrative cinema and consistent character development would be insulting if audience expectations were much higher. But just like the mainstream action movies that are so popular today, there's a predictable and somewhat engaging formula to this franchise- glossy, slick cinematography (courtesy of director of photography John Schwartzman), a bombastic pop soundtrack that underscores practically every moment, and the over-the-top sex scenes that make up the film's bread and butter.
On the surface, Fifty Shades Freed offers absolutely nothing new. Director James Foley (who also directed the last installment) has not radically shaken up the formula here. He hasn't suddenly delivered a thoughtful masterwork about the allure of BDSM and the psyche of these two heartthrobs. Fifty Shades Freed is more of the same, an appropriate way to close out the series. So with nothing fresh or insightful to offer, why is Freed so much more enjoyable than its predecessor?
Because this time around, Foley and screenwriter Niall Leonard lean into the stupidity. "Lean" might even be too mild of a word- they just dive head-first into the deep end. Fifty Shades has always been a sexy twist on the soap opera genre, but it maintained a pretension that this love affair was serious and important in some way. However, the "plot" in Fifty Shades Freed is so positively ludicrous that it washes away any lingering sense of self-seriousness. As it progresses, this movie just gets more and more ridiculous, so unhinged and off-the-rails that you just can't help but enjoy yourself. And really, the only way to do justice to all of this is to just describe what happens. There's a car chase scene in what is essentially a softcore porno for respectable adults, a car chase that ends with, you guessed it, Christian and Ana passionately having sex in the car. And then there's the scene where they spread ice cream all over each other in the kitchen in the middle of the night, hoping not to wake anyone else up with their erotic activities. Oh, and then the movie ends with a hostage situation- Ana brandishes a gun, the villain threatens to cut someone to pieces, and then there's a brutal assault on a pregnant woman.
It's utter mayhem, and its application of disparate tones is completely jarring. Anyone jumping into this franchise with no prior knowledge will likely feel like they're on some kind of acid trip. But while the title of the movie is meant to reflect Ana's freedom from the negative aspects of her relationship with Christian, it also has a second meaning. After taking itself seriously for far too long, the Fifty Shades series has been freed from its own noble ambitions and expectations. After resisting the warm embrace of pure, unadulterated trashiness, this series is finally free to be as moronic and incomprehensible as its kinky heart desires. The gloves are off, and this is Fifty Shades at its absolute nuttiest.
Obviously this doesn't mean that it's good. It's a total mess from a story perspective, and while I like both Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, they really don't have much of an opportunity to show off their chops here. And even at 105 minutes, Freed still feels overlong, and I was patiently waiting for this thing to wrap itself up. But after being simultaneously bored and baffled by my introduction to the series with Darker, this finale delivers the kind of sheer silliness that I can get behind. It has no qualms about what it is, and it never for a second pretends to be anything else. It's not smart, it doesn't make much sense, and hell, it isn't even that sexy. It's just plain ridiculous. Of course, that's not enough to warrant a recommendation. But don't be surprised if you walk away entertained....
THE FINAL GRADE: C+ (6/10)
Image: Universal/IMDb
Poster courtesy of Universal
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